Lady Edwards

So after reading what I had to say last night the fine Mrs. Edwards responded with three messages over the course of a few hours.....

   "Please add this to your blog..... Your comments and actions create division, hurt feelings and unnecessary drama (that you seem to need for attention for some reason). You are obviously quite disturbed (bless YOUR heart).  I'm glad to see the RIF processed worked in at least one case.  I will pray for you. 

Please feel free to add this to your blog too...

Also... There's quite a few arguments in your statement that you don't support or explain very well.  I'd love the opportunity to chat with you in person and get you to verbalize how a wife wearing a tshirt and showing pride in what she does to support her husbands profession takes away from your service in way, shape or form.  I'd love to get you to explain that to me and explain how saying horrible things about the wives makes you any better than what you are accusing them of doing.  Your comments and the drama you are stirring are causing pain and heartache for people that don't deserve it.  So yes, that does make you a bully.  Most of the true Gunship women and crewmembers I know ARE the quiet professionals and could care less about a little tshirt.  In fact, out at Cannon, the crewmembers and the wives wear the tshirts together at functions.  What a concept.  If someone is treating you badly, it is up to you to address it and confront the true issue which in my opinion has absolutely nothing in this world to do with a t-shirt.  

On second thought, you are not welcome to post any of my responses to your page or tie my name to your craziness in any way.  Just like previous incidents, where people took your inappropriate postings to the commander, I'm sure I'll end up seeing them.  I'll contact (company's) Human Resources and cut and paste them in a letter to The CEO"

She clearly asked someone for some second hand information about me. I have deleted the name of the CEO she says she's going to write directly and the company she says I work for. 

My response..

  Well Mrs Edwards... Denise... Ma'am... Lt. Col... Whatever it is you like to be called, AGAIN I'll try to address your statements in order (even though you addressed none of my points other than saying that you didn't understand.)   WE, the women who have served in the 4sos find the shirts offensive as they claim a title which we worked hard for and hold dear.  If anyone other than the women of the 4th were offended this would be a nonissue and the shirts would never have been made. I have only been told of one female from U-models who doesn't find these shirts offensive.  If you still don't understand please see all the examples I listed in my last response.  

  Again, I said that I am friends w multiple wives... Actually I am friends w some wives who's husbands I rarely talked to bc they're awesome women, so to act like I'm speaking of anyone other than those who have provoked us is just bating on your part. Why exactly shouldn't I speak honestly about women who openly disrespect us?  I'm assuming along with entitlement you are teaching victim and fake niceness to your daughters... More of what the world needs. 

   So, it's silly for us to be offended by the shirts and WE are causing pain and heartache? How exactly is it dramatic to state our opinion? If it's such a trivial thing then change the wording!  Why do people keep bringing up Cannon and the 16th? I wasn't in the 16th.  Maybe I should get a shirt that says I was though... Hmm. Who is treating me badly? Are you referring to the wives? I guess we could bring up their behavior... Like when we ask them and leadership to change a shirt... It goes over about as well when you say "Sir, your wife shouldn't order the airmen around."  Considering people have been "bringing it up" for years, I'd say that ship has sailed. 

  Here's the thing about social media sweet heart... You sent a stranger (me) a message and legally once that message hits my inbox, it's mine to do with as I see fit.  There is no expectation of privacy on Facebook.  So, you can tell me to not post things all you like.  I'm glad to see you took the initiative to ask someone about me.  That is LIKE what happened, so I don't know how much I would trust all of their information. I never said I worked for that company and I'm not sure exactly what you plan on sending the CEO of a multibillion dollar company? Are you threatening to send this person why I got separated from the Air Force or are you threatening to send him that I said I don't like your tishrts or are you threatening to send him my messages where I am defending myself from your hostile messages. I guess it really doesn't matter, the point is you are threatening me.  After throwing your rank around so freely and making sure I understand that you're a Lt. Col as I understand it it is frowned upon for a military member to threaten a civilian.  Do not threaten me again Lt Col.. YOU contacted me and I responded in kind and did what is my legal right to do. 

 If you do send something to the CEO or HR department, what are you going to say? Please forward it to me so I can share it too... We're all dying to read that letter.  

I have attached a hurt feelings report in case you need a starting point... Feel free to write in "woman" where appropriate. 

This One's for the Girls!

   A little back story here.  I was in gunships for five years and while I was there the spouses club suggested making "Gunship Girl" shirts. Before I show you this shirt, let me explain that "Gunship Girls" is the term that we use and others in the military use to describe a female member of our squadron. I've had men stop me down range "Aren't you a gunship girl?" It's a term we take pride in, there aren't many of us, and considering gunships have existed since Vietnam we have only existed for a very short time. That being said... 

   I will start my story with what the spouses club (who do not like actual gunship girls) suggested for a tshirt idea while I was still in the squadron. 

In response to this I sent a scathing email explaining how insulting this is and how shocked I am to think that they would think for a second we wouldn't find this offensive.  We worked hard to be in gunships and we sure as shit aren't hear for anyone's morale or inspiration! If they want a shirt like this they need to change it to "wives" and maybe put a checkbook in her hand. 

This I'm sure didn't win me many pals amongst the wives, but I know which spouses I'm friends with and respect so none of them took my words to be directed at them and a lot of guys don't let their wives associate w the spouses club because they are so catty and wear their husbands rank anyways so obviously I didn't mean them either. 

The shirt idea has come up a couple times since then and every time at least one gunship girl makes it clear this is insulting and the name is something we earned. 

We thought it was over...

Until a wife posted pictures to the 4SOS Ghostriders Facebook page showing the design for their new shirts. On the front was a silhouette of a gunship and on the back is said "Gunship Girl." I posted on my own wall saying how insulting this was and I had other gunship girls, wives, and guys either agreeing or saying how often they had told the other wives that, but that they didn't care. People began posting under the picture of the shirts that it was still insulting and some one joked "Are you going to make a 'Gunship Guy' shirt?!" I responded by saying "We've told them this is offensive, but clearly they don't care."

 I would post a screen shot of all of this, but the entire post was deleted.  It was replaced with this... 

That is the commander's wife... This was done under the belief that no one would dare tell her it was offensive.  I wasn't going to say anything, but then...

She said that about the guy's shirts in response to a joke that was made on the deleted post.  (Trostle likes everything her or the CC do...he's a good puppy.) 

What you don't see here is that her last comment is in response to me saying "I think the person who suggested the gunship guy shirts was kidding. (No man spouse would pretend to be a gunship guy.)" 

This was deleted and replaced with this from the cc...

Now the threat to delete me is comical, especially considering all this page is is for the spouses club to get info about children's events and other stuff that no one cares about so that most people block it's updates.  Also it's a fb page soooo really? What angered me wasn't the threat... It's that someone would take the side of the wives over the squadron members past and present.  I responded w as much professionalism as I could muster... And by that I mean I didn't literally just write "FUCK OFF." 

I deleted myself from the page.  I got a couple friend request, I assume from people who liked it, and then the hate mail...  

   "I am so disheartened that many have never reached the point of professional development to truly internalize all that is required to keep a squadron running and airplanes flying.  The mission doesn't happen without families keeping things going at home and dealing with tremendous burdens while the active duty member is deployed.  The Gunship Community is just that... a community.  Everyone who plays a role in ensuring Gunships fly is a Gunship Girl or Guy.  The maintainers who keep the plane flying are Gunship Girls and Guys.. The Security forces who protect the base are Gunship Girls and Guys..obviously I could go on for paragraphs about all it takes to keep those airplanes flying.  I was active duty Air Force and now I'm a Reservist.  I work in the Pentagon buying Gunships and I consider myself a Gunship Girl. I am a Gunship girl not because I've tested Gunships, procured Gunships, but because I've played an important role in the mission by supporting my husband.

 My daughters wear Gunship Girl tshirts. Since their father is an AC-130 crewmember, over the years they have made tremendous sacrifices so he could fly missions and train others.  They are proud to be Gunship girls.

Now, regarding your condescending comments regarding "vanity and amusement" of spouses.. I'm sorry, but that is an ignorant thing to say.  The AFSOC spouses make tremendous sacrifices so the military members can deploy and further their careers.  They are smart women, they are strong women, and I am so proud to call many of them my friends.

As I see it, you have a choice.  You can be the kind of person to promote community and build others up or you can tear others down based on your own insecurities.  Based on your unemployed status, I'm guessing your current attitude hasn't served you all that well. I hope some day you come to realize that spouses taking pride in the squadron, their husbands, and all their families sacrifice doesn't degrades you service in any way, shape, or form.

By the way, I'm sending you a private message and not confronting you on facebook, because I don't want an ugly confrontation.  I just hope you will consider a different perspective.

Denise Edwards, Lt Col, USAFR, spouse, mother, Air Force Officer, and Gunship Girl"

Well I can tell you one thing... That was a mistake because if there's one thing I LOVE... It's someone who wants to be a secret bitch so I can share it with all of you... Makes my black heart grow three sizes! 

My response.. 

"I'll try to address this more or less in order and then I'll share a few things w you at the end..

I don't understand what it takes to keep a squadron flying? I was the one actually in a flying squadron, so it would seem to me that since I'm the one who called wheels up or an emergency to base ops, reported my broken equipment to maintenance, and had to deal with the ludicrous things acquisitions dumped on me after ignoring what the operator said would be useless or helpful that I would be far more aware than some one who sat at the pentagon hindering the war fighting effort.  

Things don't happen with out the family at home... Here's the thing... Myself and the other women offended by you and the step-ford wives would never look at a stay at home mom or any other spouse and be rude or judgmental without provocation.  I consider several wives friends and they are not who I was addressing with my comments nor were any of my counterparts speaking to them.  Sadly, there is provocation on the part of who I'll refer to as "they" or "the wives" from here.  They walk in the squadron as if they own it, they give spiteful looks to any woman in a flight suit, they order airmen around bc they wear their husband's rank and think they're entitled to that illusion of power, they don't accept all of the wives either (hence why there are 320+ people in a squadron and you only see a handful of women... Those wives don't like you either.) and I've asked multiple people and none of them can remember our spouses club doing a single positive thing for the actual squadron members.  "Wear heels and your hubby's flight suit" party is not helpful to the squadron.  I am not saying there are not some wives that make their husband's deployments easier, but by your logic how does the single sq member manage to go to work everyday? Are there no single people who deploy? Right, there are.  There are single moms in that squadron... How much help do you think the spouses club gives them? I'll tell you, they get the same dirty looks the rest of us do.  I was an exec for a year and I can tell you the spouses club was nothing, but a thorn in the side of running that sq.  And why exactly do I need to thank you for supporting YOUR husband? My family and friends don't expect thanks or a title for supporting me... So are they less needy or am I just better at showing my appreciation? A little of column A and a little of column B I'd say. 

Everyone who plays a role is a gunship guy or girl? What kind of "everyone gets a participation ribbon" garbage is that?! So, I should go tell a ranger or SEAL that I'm one of them bc I killed people for them? Really? I don't know how well that would fly. Why didn't I become one of those so that I could say that? Well, I'm a small woman and I wouldn't have made it through any kind of selection process so I don't go around saying I'm one of them just bc I've supported them.  It would be insulting to all the hard work they put in and all the times they put themselves at more risk than I did. If you had wanted to be a gunship girl maybe you should have done better where ever you received your commission, worked your ass off at at least two training squadrons, and then worked so hard to become proficient, respected, and accepted in a community where you are one of 20ish females out of over 300 people. There haven't always been women in gunships... This isn't a desk job... If we mess up we don't just lose the Air Force some money or get a sad face from our boss... People die.  If we do our job well, bad people die. So when we say "this is offensive.." Just say "sorry, we didn't realize." And go back to your desk or couch or scrap booking room... 

Tremendous sacrifices? I get that it sucks to have your spouse gone (assuming you even like him.) What exactly are you sacrificing? Your life continues while they're gone.. You have your family, your children, your friends, pets, tv, food, a nice bed, and even indoor plumbing.... Sorry that I don't see that as much of a sacrifice in comparison when we have none of that and we miss our spouses, plenty of women can figure out how to mow the lawn.  So you keep the kids alive and the house doesn't burn down while he's gone? Gold star for you! That's not what every single woman does everyday or anything and some even manage to go to a J-O-B too.  I'm not saying it doesn't suck, I've been the one at home before, but it's so self centered and self righteous to act like that is what keeps the war effort moving. I'll fill you in, the phones don't go down that much... They just get sick of the nagging and complaining or they say they're too busy to call.  To say that it's anything other than vanity and amusement doesn't make since... They wear them for attention and bc they think it's cute. Perhaps I use a condescending tone bc I don't suffer fools well, but it's still an accurate statement bc for any respectable reason there would have been an immediate apology and a scrapping of the shirts. 

I see nothing wrong w small children wearing such shirts and wanting to follow in their father or mother's footsteps... Adults though? No.  My father has been a police officer since before i was born.  He's been stabbed, taken shrapnel, and been involved in more shoot outs and car chases than I care to type out... So as a girl my father would leave the house and I wouldn't know if he was coming back.  Do you know what this makes me? A police officers daughter!!! NOT a police woman and I sure as hell would never claim to be one and insult the women who have worked hard to be in law enforcement. Maybe your daughters will want to be gunship girls and more power to them, but w this entitlement mentality you have I would put my money elsewhere. 

About building up community you can see my comments about how those women act, how hard we worked to be gunship girls, and how we are friends w the wives who want to be our friends. 

Now let me tell you a couple things you may not know...Bless your heart.

 I see you are really good at doing research (probably why all your procurements for gunships were so cost effective AND worth while) I am not unemployed, I chose to list myself as unemployed bc people like yourself are too lazy to even ask someone and bc I don't care for people to know where I work.

 As far as my attitude...  Well, you've got me there.  I took after my father (luckily or sadly depending on your point of view) so I try to be polite and respectful until I have reason to be otherwise.  I feel like the multiple attempts to simply say "these are offensive" was the time for polite and after those requests were not only ignored, but the feelings of the squadron members were cast aside and while my counterparts who are still in can't openly say this is bullshit, I can.  

So far what I know is, from what you said, you were a desk jockey and the best thing you can hang your hat on is being able to say you did paperwork. Everyone has their place... Some people are the tip of the spear (gunship guys have always said we're the shaft that supports the spear...) you would be the price tag to buy the shaft alone? I'm sure you're a special shinning star in your own way. 

As far as your sign off... Isn't it redundant to say you were a LtCol AND an Air Force officer? Are there LtCols who weren't officers? I don't find the title of spouse or mother any more impressive than being a LtCol in a field where you want credit for the laurels of your husband's career more than your own.  There's no test you have to pass before birthing a child or marrying a man. Idiots get married all the time and even a dog can have puppies, so way to go on all of your achievements there.  

This entire message is exactly what I would expect from someone of your station... It's nothing more than passive aggressive cattiness. You aren't my friend and your message is nothing more than an attempt to validate yourself and make me feel like a bully.  You were not successful, I'm sad to say.  I am not a bully, I am simply standing up for myself and my fellow gunship girls.  Your smart friends had been told and they chose to ignore... I'm glad you wanted this to be a private message so people wouldn't see your cattiness and you could just think you would scold me as if I cared. If you had asked someone might have told you that... Hence why I am posting this to my blog, along with your message, the commander's threat to kick me out, and my response that seems to have upset you.  I will then post the link to my fb page and tag multiple gunship guys and girls who I think will be interested.  

  Enjoy rocking that poser shirt, 

Me"

Publicly Punked Out... My Shame and Confusion

Before I tell my story I would like to apologize...
I realize that I have been gone for some time and there's a couple of reasons. It's not that people are not still awful to me and each other in general, but a large portion of that awful over the last few months has revolved around family members and their reaction to my mother falling ill annnnnd people get all upset when I post "family business" online. (Read "family business" as telling the truth.) The other part being that I actually managed to find someone that enjoys my company and he's pretty wonderful so either things just don't enrage me like they used to or by the time I go to write anything I'm not upset enough to bother anymore. I've told him that I'm not going to be upset when I find the bodies buried under his house as long as they're human... I draw my line at animals... Those people probably deserved it. I digress as always... The point is I will try to write more since 1.people love awful and 2. People look at me weird when I say "I don't have any hobbies other than booze and tv." So here we go...
I got very sick while at work. I went to dinner with a friend who was passing through our base for work, afterwards I started feeling feverish. When I woke up the next morning I felt like death and I was happy to have the day off. When I say death I mean I didn't have any cold symptoms, but I felt like something was pulling the muscles from my bones and chewing on my joints... I was achey haha. The fever lasted for three days and on the third day gave way to vomiting, diarrhea, and stomach cramps that kept me from even drinking water. Finally after two weeks our onsite medical person told my company they needed to send me home because I was not getting better fast enough and I had lost 15lbs. I was home for 24 hours when the gastroenteritis started to clear up and my regular doctor informed me "you'll live, drink fluids and come back if anything gets worse...." I went home and woke up with a rash all over me. I took benedryll for a day and was still suffering the next day so back to the doctor I went...
While sitting in the waiting room I was the only person on one side of the room and I could look up and see the area where people stood to pay their copay after their visit. While I was innocently playing on my phone...

Woman: "MY HUSBAND'S BACK IS SO MESSED UP.....I MIGHT AS WELL PUSH HIM INTO TRAFFIC!!!!"

She is yelling and I don't remember the rest of her rant, but I wasn't sure if this woman was screaming at the girl behind the counter, so I looked up to see if someone needed to help her. Now there are certain voices and speech patterns that you can identify race and usually socioeconomic class of an individual so go ahead and imagine an older, heavy set, white trash woman who is a smoker and you have what I heard and saw...

Woman: MORE YELLING BLAH BLAH INCOHERENT WHITE TRASH YELLING...

I realize she isn't harassing the young girl about her visit, but making fun of her husband. I go back to my phone.

Man: "That little girl just looked at you!"

Woman: "What little girl?"

Man: "That little girl in the waiting room! You were yelling and she was staring at you like you're crazy!"

Now in my defense here this woman is easily 65 years old...

Woman: "She better not be staring at me! Don't be messin' with a teacher little girl cuz I'll teach you sumthin! Yeah you better not look at me!"

Still looking at my phone... Is this happening... Wtf?! Is this crazy bat going to come in here to fight me? Are we beefing?! What do you do when an old woman thinks you're 12 and threatens you? There is no win in this situation... Stand up and break her hip? Well then I'm an awful person who abuses old people and my luck she has dementia or something. What if she comes in here?? I'm getting punked out by an old woman.... It's like I wear a sign. Fine.. Punked out... That's what I'll do, I'm not hitting or shouting with an old woman.
She pays her bill...
Woman:" yeah you keep looking at that phone! I'm going to the bathroom before we leave because I can!"
Man: "Can I have the keys to start the car?"
Woman: "NO!"
For her to use the bathroom she has to pass the exit and walk closer to me... She does so and I can feel her staring at me... I hope it doesn't break my glasses if this old woman hits me, they're expensive and I'm blind.
She passes twice with out incident while she grumbles about how I'm a little girl and she'll teach me.
There's no way this happens to other people... There's just not.
(The rash is hives because my body is still fighting the infection...)

Massage, Breast Exam, or Paying for a Little Upstairs Action... Who's to Say

    I have bad shoulders.  Why exactly they’re bad I’m not 100% sure... I mostly blame a car accident.  I have yet to find any kind of doctor that can help me so I just try to speed up the destruction of my liver with anti-inflammatories, ice them when they hurt, and hope for the best.  One of the last suggestions that was made was massage therapy, maybe my chest being so tight pulls them into a bad position and causes my problems.  

    Just to be clear massage therapy is not a nice relaxing massage... for the most part it’s me white knuckling a table while someone pushes so hard I want to die, but my pride makes sure I don’t move.  I try to go once a week when I’m in the country.  The lady I went to in Ft.Walton was very good at helping me with stretches and understood what I was trying to accomplish.  There was another girl in Mobile that I was seeing before I went down range this last time who seemed to get it too, but I didn’t see her name on the list of available people when I went to book an appointment.

   

     As I scrolled through the lists of names I see the name Dawn... Dawn is obviously a woman’s name and the time fits with my schedule for that day so Dawn it is.  

I show up to my appointment early and I’m looking at a magazine while I wait.  

Dawn: “Ashley?”

(I look up from my magazine and I can only hope that the look of confusion wasn’t as obvious as I think it must have been.  I’m staring up at Dawn... I have no idea if Dawn is a man or a woman.  NO IDEA... Dawn is either a very effeminate older man with no muscle tone OR Dawn is a masculine older lady, but either way Dawn resembles Earnest from such classics as “Earnest Goes to Camp.”)  

 Me: “Hi...” (I mutter as I take Dawn’s wrinkled ambiguous hand.)

We make some small talk in the lobby as I still stand there staring trying to figure out what gender I’m speaking to.  

We walk back to the room...

Dawn: “Your patient file says you’re in the Air Force, is that true?”

Me: “Well I was, but I was put out in March.”

Dawn: “Put out?”

Me: “Apparently I have an attitude problem.”

Dawn: “I was in the Coast Guard with the same problem! I was so excited when I saw you were in the military...just great!”

Me: “Thanks.” (You’re not helping me here Dawn.)

Dawn: “So, what were you looking for today?”

Me: “Well, I usually come in for just deep tissue on my chest and shoulders.”

Dawn: “Oh, just those two areas?”

Me: “Yes, my chest is tight which make my shoulders out of place which makes knots.”

Dawn: “So, just really work the knots in your shoulders.”

Me: “Uh, I’d like for you to work the knots in my shoulders, but I need for the tension in my chest to go away so they don’t come back.”

Dawn: “You want me to rub your chest?”

(This has to be man.)

Me: “My chest and my shoulders.”

Dawn: “Which part of your chest exactly?”

Yep, this is a man... What woman is confused by “parts” of the chest... I’m not looking for a breast exam here.

Me: “Uh, the pectoral muscles...”

Dawn: (Pounds her chest with both hands... like a guy would when requesting a chest bump.) “So just the pecks then?? Got it!”

Lets analyze this for a minute... What else would I be paying someone to rub on? I mean the Lord didn’t bless me with a lot on top, but still... what else was Dawn expecting me to say? ‘Well I’ve been lacking in the action lately and I was hoping I could pay you for some upstairs work.’ or for those with a cleaner mind ‘the bones...if you could please rub my sternum that would be great!’

I’m still not sure if this is a man or a woman... the chest bump and uncertainty about what I want rubbed points to a man...

We start the massage and I’ve had male masseuses before, but I have never had anyone as uncomfortable as Dawn.  Constantly asking if ‘this ok?’ and then I was made more uncomfortable (I say ‘more’ because not knowing the sex of the person touching you is rather disconcerting,) but Dawn’s face is only inches from mine the entire time... I rarely open my eyes during a massage, but now they’re clinched tight as I listen to the raspy/horse breathing of this... person.  Dawn makes small talk about the Coast Guard and a sibling, but nothing that gives me any clue as to gender.

Towards the end of the session...

Dawn: “Ya know you can request a woman to do this right?”

Me: “Oh, uh yeah.”

Dawn: “You can put it in your file that you only want a female masseuse.”

Me: “Ok.” 

WTF am I supposed to say??? ‘I thought I did.’ ‘Dawn sounded like a chick name to me.’ ??? Silence... we’ll go with ‘ok’ followed by silence.

Dawn: “I could see how this could be uncomfortable for you.”

Me: “Uh huh.”

Dear Lord please make Dawn stop talking about male vs female before Dawn figures out that I don’t know if Dawn is a man or woman. Fuckin A.

Ok Dawn has to be a man... other wise why would Dawn say that?! When this is over I’m going to stand up, look Dawn in the eyes, and then I’ll know that Dawn is a dude.

Massage ends... I get dressed and walk out to the lobby... look at Dawn... NO fucking idea... I consider asking the girl at the desk, but I feel like she’ll rat me out. 

Josh and I came up with a few ways to try to figure this out... calling the shop and asking them to name their male masseuses... just asking out right if Dawn is a man or woman... I felt an overwhelming desire to know followed quickly by the defeat that I wouldn’t dare call in the fear that someone would tell Dawn that yet another person called to figure out that downstairs mix up. 

I went back a week later for a massage with someone else who couldn’t figure out what I was trying to do either and she was kind enough to answer my question without me even having to ask...

Maggie: “Was Dawn not able to help you?”

Me: “Oh, no...what? why?”

Maggie: “Well, you just came back so soon I thought maybe she didn’t do a good job.”

(no one cares about the rest of this conversation or massage...)

SHE?!?!? She said it! Thank God another mystery solved! Dawn is a weird, lovable, masculine, Earnest goes to Camp looking LADY... 

Then why was SHE acting so fucking weird? 

iPad!!!!

  I work in not very luxurious places, but recently I found out that if I were to purchase a 3G capable iPad then I would be able to buy a local sim card and have access to the Internet in my room. Do I really NEED to be able to chat with my friends, check Facebook, and read my email constantly? Umm obviously I do! I am not a person and I'm tired of them trying to ether bunny me with ammonia they pretend to use as floor cleaner every 15 minutes.

  Sadly Apple will not ship directly to an APO address... If you don't deliver to an APO address then you're an asshole, FYI. So I sent the iPad to my parents house and asked them to ship it to me. A couple of things here.... Once you're on your eighth trip out to this shit hole people aren't nearly as excited to send you stuff and second I do appreciate all the crap everyone has been willing to throw in the mail for me.
For those of you who have not mailed something over seas you have to fill out a customs form and two things they ask on the form are what your package contains and what it's worth for insurance purposes. For those of you who don't have a 3G iPad 2 with a full case it will cost you around $650.

When you ship something to an APO everyone from your mail person to Private Fuck face has access to your package. No one ever actually writes iPad on the customers form. The picture below restores my faith in humanity, my faith that maybe my father isn't the most paranoid man ever, and now I know my father has faith that surely I would never waste $650+ on a toy.

“The Worst Proposal of All Time...”

From the Vault...

(Whenever things would get slow during a flight this is the story I would tell as a warning to all other men...Josh had never heard it until the other day and he felt that I should share it with y’all.)

So my ex-husband was also a shitty boyfriend.. shocking, I know.  He would break up with me regularly because he “could do better” blah blah blah... I had low self esteem blah blah.  So after dating off and on all during college I went off the Texas for Navigator training and he went to grad school at Alabama.  A couple of months before I graduated from training (mother’s day weekend I think,) I flew him out to Texas to come see me.  I was living in the dorms, which means I had a bed, recliner, kitchenette, bathroom, and particle board furniture.

It’s beautiful isn’t it? All that one could hope for? Probably the MOST romantic place in all of San Antonio.

Like I was saying... On the day that I picked him up from the airport two friends had been installing running boards on my jeep...

Sometimes I miss you Jeep!

...I had been helping and by the time it was time to go pick up asshole from the airport I was covered in sweat and grease.  I called and told him I’m not coming inside because I’m so gross so just come outside.  

     On the last day of his visit we had been out during the day doing something and I had gotten a terrible headache.  I told him we needed to go back to my room so I could lay down.  

I had JUST fallen asleep... 

Mike: “Hey (shakes me slightly,) Wake up.”

Me: “I JUST fell asleep! Leave me alone.”

Mike: “I need to talk to you.”

Me: “Seriously? My head hurts...this can’t wait?!”

Mike: “No, we really need to talk.”

Me (halfway talking into my pillow): “Are you kidding? Did you just wake me up to break up with me?! You could have just done this in an email or over the phone.”

Mike: “Will you talk to me?”

Me: “Holy fuck! What?!”

I sit up...

Mike: “Well... ya know... we’ve been together for a long time...”

Me: “Just say it so I can go back to sleep...”

Mike: “I just really don’t think there’s anything left for us to do.”

Me: “Un-fucking-believable! You had me fly you here, take you around San Antonio all weekend, wake me up with a headache, and all so you could dump me AGAIN!” 

Mike: “No, I think the only thing left for us to do is get married...”

The fact that I said yes honestly makes me want to kill myself... with out a doubt the dumbest thing I’ve done.

He takes out a ring... 

We had been together for some time (off and on obviously) so the discussion of what kind of ring I would want had come up.  I like the rings with three diamonds, I do not like yellow gold, and I did not want anything from a chain store like zales or kays... (they’re gross... yeah, I said it! Hearts open Jane Seymore kind of gross!)

This ring was in a zales box, was a solitaire, and was two and a half sizes too big... (at least it wasn’t yellow gold I guess.) We take it to Zales... fucking Zales... and they have to send it off so I didn’t actually even get to wear the engagement ring I didn’t want for two weeks.  

I think I managed to hold in my bitchness for all of 24 hours...

Me: “So decided not to go with the whole knee thing?”

Mike: “I forgot.”

Me: “Did you forget all the nice things you had decided to say too?”

Mike: “I figured I’d just wing it.”

Me: “Well I figured you were dumping me... the setting made it extra beautiful, I appreciated the effort.”

Mike: “Well you ruined what I had planned.”

Me: “How did I do that?”

Mike: “I was going to propose in the airport, but you didn’t come inside.”

Me: “So the San Antonio airport was your plan for a magical moment huh?  Whatever...”

He also called his parents to tell them we were engaged... His mom’s response? 
Mike’s Mom: “So, she’s pregnant?”

Mike: “No.”

Mike’s Mom: “Then why are you marrying her?!”

Yeah I can’t believe I didn’t take his stupid last name... 

It’s almost 1400 today... that’s late enough to start drinking right?

WIKI LEAKS!!! (AKA What is Wrong With Most Officers in the Military: Cowardice and Ignorance are Commissioned)

Not to be insulting (to y’all...not this idiot) because I’m guilty of this too, but there’s going to be some rambling, there’s going to be some ranting, and there’s even going to be a soap box... stay with me and my long winded story, because I promise it’ll be worth it.

On the 13th of June a CV-22 crashed during a routine training mission.  I want to make it clear that at no point did I insinuate anything about this crew’s ability or that I was anything but concerned for their well being.  As a flyer I do not find crashes funny... After reading a few articles and hearing the news report (as opposed to the person this blog is about who obviously did not) about the crash I wrote this status on my FB account.

I should probably explain a little back story about myself and my feelings about the Commander I’m referencing... maybe one day I’ll give it it’s own story, but not today.  

I had a terrible commander, they were looking for a reason to fire him, but he was the protege to the Wing Commander.  The Wing Commander likes to go on firing sprees and that’s how he handles most of his problems...(because actually leading takes effort and respect.) I posted on facebook an idiotic email my Squadron Commander (we’ll call him “The Clown” from here on out) had sent out to over 300 people and multiple people commented on it. They were not nice comments... anyone with half a brain hates the man...I say “man” loosely.  A rancid bitch I used to work with went to him and told him that I was a “cancer” because obviously I was leading a coup.  After receiving this information The Clown then called the AFSOC Commander to demand that I be brought up on charges in a court martial because he had lost control of the squadron and I had taken over his command.  His mentor could no longer protect him from his own stupidity and he was relieved of command, but I was given paperwork.  The Wing Commander was the person with the power to give me a “Retain” or a “Do Not Retain” when my name came up in the Reduction In Forces....I had embarrassed him and his protege so out I went.  

Back to what this story is actually about... after that post I received this private message from some one who’s husband I used to work with, I have hung out with socially two or three times, and who is an officer in the Air Force Reserves.  

I knew this girl thought she was far more amazing than she really is, but I had no idea she was THIS far on the other side of ignorant.... I’m just going to dissect these messages for y’all... ok for me because I don’t like fake bitches.

“Didn’t you learn the first time.”

Yes, I did.  That is why you will not find anything about my current job on this blog or my FB page.  This comment is incredibly condescending and I’m not such a raging “holier than thou” bitch that I would say something like that to someone I didn’t hate.  This says “Hey sugar, remember when you lost your career and spiraled into a depression? We don’t want to do that again now do we???”  Thank you for showing what an insensitive cunt you are (and coming from me that says A LOT) and that you don’t understand that I was given my paper work for reposting my boss’ public email to my private FB page and NOT for reposting my opinion about how an organization I no longer have any affiliation with is managed...well done. 

“...let’s respect the family and not put there* business on blast...”

I’m assuming you’re referencing where I said that I was glad their relatives are ok... I see why that would upset them.  Completely valid point... your reading comprehension is impeccable and I am lucky to have you on my friends list to keep me free of such offensive language. (*it’s “their” smarty smart)

“Maybe it’s my intel background but stuff like this is how wiki-leaks probably got started...”

I have a few things to say about this statement... (takes a breathe...gets another cup of coffee...and go) Let me explain to you what Wiki-Leaks actually is since you obviously don’t understand it...sugar.  

WikiLeaks- is an international, online, self-described not-for-profit organization publishing submissions of private, secret, and classified media from anonymous news sources, news leaks, and whistleblowers. 

Now that that’s understood, let me explain to you a few of the things they actually did: (I’m only using stuff I easily find for leaks regarding the U.S. I’d found a lot more, but Josh told me no one wants to read that...so here’s a few.) 

-A March 2003 copy of Standard Operating Procedures for Camp Delta detailing the protocol of the U.S. Army at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp was released....

-During the 2008 United States presidential election campaigns, the contents of a Yahoo account belonging to Sarah Palin were posted on WikiLeaks after being hacked into by members of Anonymous.... 

-A classified video of the 12 July 2007 Baghdad airstrike was released, showing two Reuters employees being fired at, after the pilots mistakenly thought the men were carrying weapons, which were in fact cameras.

-400,000 documents relating to the Iraq War were released in October. The BBC quoted The Pentagon referring to the Iraq War Logs as "the largest leak of classified documents in its history." Media coverage of the leaked documents focused on claims that the U.S. government had ignored reports of torture by the Iraqi authorities during the period after the 2003 war

(this information came from WikiPedia... i’m not going to WikiLeaks...sorry.)

Now I can see how you think that me pointing out that the Wing CC is a hypocrite is just like WikiLeaks revealing the above information (and much more,) but I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t because you just like to say things that make you sound smart ie. “my intel background” or “WikiLeaks.”  I mean that would be a TERRIBLE idea as I am not intimidated by someone just because they can make a power point nor does it bother me when someone compares me to something far worse than I am... (“Cancer” is still my favorite by the way!)

“...but I don’t want this on my feed...”

Well then unfriend me or change your settings so you don’t see my updates you stupid twat... I ignore all of your bullshit about Jesus with out feeling that I need for you to censor yourself.  Funny story about her and jesus bullshit... at a friends wedding all of the girls got together to take pictures, after a few pictures this fine fine lady says: “Can we take a few without the drinks...and can y’all not tag me in any pictures with alcohol, I am a preacher’s wife on sundays after all.”  Hahahaha because THAT is what it means to be a good Christian...you can drink, but just be fake as shit about it and lie to your “friends” in the congregation.  I think that’s found in the New Testament somewhere... in red letters. 

“...and two of them are in critical condition...”

Since I actually understand how google works, I checked their conditions before making my statement.  Four were in stable condition and one was in guarded condition... Reading is super hard! Good thing you get to just copy and past some one else’s work for those intel briefs, huh? 

                                                    "...we should be praying instead of pointing fingers.”

You find where I blamed anyone on that crew for what happened.  For that matter you find where I actually said that I thought the Wing CC caused this... Please refer to my actual comment that says “...What I think is the cause is besides the point..” I don’t know how you passed college admissions testing... honestly... how? Did reading the paragraph about the grandfather and the bananas to prove you can read give you any trouble when you joined the AF? 

Here was my response...(after I blacked out from the rage for a second and texted that screen shot to several people to make sure she was being as big of a bitch as I thought)

And then she was like...

“...I don’t take part in the point the finger and blame game.”

Show me where I said that... show me where I said anything other than that awful piece of officer would fire anyone else in his position.  

“I don’t know Col ___ personally and I am not going there with you with The Clown contrary to what you think he I still respect and as a leader and person.”

I’m going to ignore your inability to form a sentence in english and just speak to your point.  I don’t care to know that jack hole personally... General Patton was a dick and Churchill was a drunk, BUT they were both amazing leaders and THAT is what their people should judge them by first and foremost.  I received phone calls from people that knew him from the time he was a Lt until now telling me what an asshole he is and that no one would follow him anywhere.  I don’t know anyone who thinks that he cares about them or would follow him out of a wet paper bag because they all know he’d stab them in the back just to make rank...so no I really do not care to know if he kicks his dog or goes to church on sundays.  As far as The Clown goes, he’s a Lt Col...he will never make O-6 and if my career imploding did anything I can take some comfort in the fact that he will never ever have any affect on or be put in command of another airman.  I could go on to list all of the ways that he is a terrible leader, but I’ll just say this... I said before how he called the AFSOC CC because I’m a scary meanie pants AND THEN after being put where LtCols go to die he emailed General Swartz to say: “I was fired under suspicious circumstances and I would like to be included in ______” (some special program for people who want to go into politics.)  Swartz did not respond but just emailed the AFSOC CC to say “Why are your people contacting me?” Sooo maybe you should call your bestie because I’d say he didn’t learn HIS lesson.  I had written a long list of all of his short comings as a commander but I think those two things say it all.

And then I was like...

I thought I was being nice... I mean I didn’t even say “ya dumb bitch” or anything.

And then she was like...

“Honestly your opinion matters little to me.  Like I am sure mine matters little to you.”

Well then why the fuck did you message me?!  Again, this is a “nice” or “fake bitch” way of saying “I’m smarter than you and I can’t believe you don’t agree and would dare to be aggressive to the likes of me.”  Well, if I respected you as a person and I wasn’t so sure of how stupid you are then I might actually take your opinion into consideration. 

“...I am just going to pray for the families.  I am not trying to be condescending I just don’t want OPSEC info on FB.  But hey your* not in the military anymore or the only person doing it.  So I apologize if I offended you.”

Hahahahahahaha (takes a breath) hahahahahaha you’re so stupid hahahaha.  So for anyone who doesn’t know...including this “lady,” OPSEC stands for “Operational Security.”  Now it is terribly sad that someone with an “intel background” does not know what that means.  Fine... I’ll tell you.  Nothing I said in anyway sheds any light on ANY operations.  I did not say that I know what happened, I didn’t say what I have seen of CV-22 performance, I didn’t say anything about recent incidents, and I said far less than the Wing CC actually released.... soooo I think that you need to call him and make sure he knows that he is worse than WikiLeaks.  This is what was released shortly after the crash...

http://www.dvidshub.net/video/146723/hurlburt-cv-22-crash-press-conference#.T-C1LY5FDUQ

(*the word is “you’re”)

I know...I know... watching the news and doing a google search is really complicated... not to mention that you don’t even have the basic understanding of simple words/phrases that should be well ingrained in your “intel background.”

(pulls soap box out from closet... stands proudly on said soap box...)

Thank you... thank you for showing me yet another Officer who still has their commission, but doesn’t deserve it.  You are a fine example of what is wrong with the Officer Corps as a whole.  You obviously have no idea why I am not in the AF because I have never been accused of an OPSEC violation, BUT you went ahead and decided to preach to me.  As if not only are you smarter than I am, but that I would immediately just follow your ignorant lead because... well... why wouldn’t I? You’re so smart...I’m sure you have a piece of paper that says so and shiny things on your shoulders so why would anyone question what you say? THAT is a very common problem... you have this sense of entitlement that people should just listen to you even though you have no idea what you’re talking about AND you’re not willing to do the research.  Not only do you lack basic skills to perform your job, have a sense of entitlement, but you’re also a coward.  Even though you were trying to support “the man,” regardless of what is right or wrong, you didn’t want people to know that.  You are such a coward that you thought you could send me some message and no one would have to know what a bitch you are... because standing up for something publicly is scary isn’t it? People might not agree with you... people might find out you’re not that bright... people might see that you support a regime that is mocked and hated, but you fall in line because that’s what “good” officers do.  Well, let me be really clear here... you and the officers like you are a disgrace, I am ashamed that any of you are called leaders,  and here’s a shocker... your “subordinates, airman, troops...” whatever term you call them to make sure they know you think you’re above them... they know... they know you’re a coward, they know you’d never make a public stand for them (or even your leaders apparently,) and they also know you’re an idiot since they’re the ones making those power points for you when you get the credit for briefing them.  Oh, how do I know that? Because I called them my “friends, guys, or coworkers...” because they knew I wasn’t the kind of O to hide in a private message or just listen to someone because of what’s on their shoulders... 

So fuck you and every idiotic coward just like you who’s dragging down our military... 

And then I was like...

    haha oh wait... I wrote this blog.

(oh and thank you for giving Josh and I our newest thing to randomly yell at each other since high school! “WIKILEAKS!!!”)

It is NOT a good idea to send me a private bitch message... it will not stay private and I’m all out of free passes... 

(What’s the meanest thing I can say right now?! ok technically I STILL didn’t cross that line, but if you still read these I really wish you would appreciate all of the things I don’t say)