Souvenir

People like to keep 105mm brass as a souvenir.  Sometimes it has special meaning whether it be from a first shoot, an important op, or just a significant day.  Dakota requested that three shells be set aside after a flight and after they were brought in she taped the tops of them and wrote her name on them so that once they made it back home she could claim them.  A few days later they went missing.  She asked everyone if they had seen them and no one had.  Surely there was a mistake...Surely someone wouldn't take something that doesn't belong to them that is labeled with someone else's name! SIGH. 

 

Fast forward three weeks and here we sit in our planning area.  Dakota is at her desk and I am at mine watching South Park with Tracy.  The Captain who I like to refer to as Captain Douche (he isn't checked out on any airframe and he doesn't even know the simplest of terms that we use daily, but by God he is very important... Just looking at him you can tell he thinks so) comes into our area holding a 105mm shell.  Fortunately for him I did not here the following conversation. 

 

Captain Douche "Hey do you have any duct tape?"

Dakota "No, is that one of my shells you stole?" (she was kidding because honestly what are the odds)

Captain Douche "Oh well, I did take your shells but this isn't one of them."

Dakota "What?"

Captain Douche "yeah i took your shells but i mean you can have this one if you want it"

Dakota "No! I got them to get me more....thanks."

Captain Douche "oh ok soooo do you really not have any duct tape?"

Dakota "no we don't!" 

 

Again Tracy and I can't hear this conversation

 

Me "We don't like that guy, he's a douche"

Tracy "Ok.  Who is he?"

Me "The ops retard that sits in the JOC"

 

Captain Douche then walks out of the room.  Dakota walks back to my desk.

 

Dakota "Did y'all hear that guy?!"

Me "No what did he say?"

Dakota then tells me the conversation written out above. 

Me "What the fuck?! You should have told us what he was saying!"

Dakota "I didn't know if y'all could hear and i was just so shocked"

 

Brett and Jimmy walk in

 

Me "Hey, Y'all remember the shells Dakota was looking for?! Captain Douche took 'em and just told her he did it."

 

After some talk of his douchiness Brett walks to the JOC to confront Captain Douche.  He comes back and says that Captain Douche now proclaims innocence because one of our own, Keith, told him to take them.  We openly complain about and mock them both and Captain Douche informs Keith that he has been found out. Keith enters our area, walks right by Dakota's desk to mine and begins to explain his actions.

 

Keith "Ok look here's what happened, I told Captain Douche he could have her shells so don't be mad at him."

Me "Why would you take her shells?"

Keith "It's not a big deal, an O-6 came by and so everyone was like (does bowing motion like "we're not worthy" from "Wayne's World") and they couldn't find the shells they were going to give him so i told Captain Douche that he could take hers"

Me "SO YOU TAKE THE SHELLS THAT ARE MARKED WITH THE NAME OF SOMEONE WHO WORKS WITH US AND SUPPORTS US AND YOU GIVE THEM TO SOMEONE WE DON'T EVEN LIKE (right as i say "them" Captain Douche walks in the door and i point to him while saying "someone we don't even like" at which point he immediately turns around and walks out of the room) WHO THEN GIVES THEM TO SOME COLONEL WHO WE DON'T KNOW, DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US, AND WON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO GAVE THEM TO HIM IF THEY EVEN MAKE IT BACK WITH HIM!!! AND THEN YOU DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING FOR THREE FUCKING WEEKS!"

Keith "Fine shoot me, an O-6 came in and you can't just not give him anything."

Me "You make me sick, I just want you to be aware, i'm sickened with the amount of dick sucking around here,"

Brett "Hey Captain Weber, My name is on the door to my room so i guess you can feel free to go in there and take anything you want out and just give it away."

Keith "Maybe I will."

Me "Maybe you need to shut the fuck up.  Why don't you go back to the JOC and hang out w/ Captain Douche because the planning area is for crewmembers"

Keith "I'm sorry ok!"

Me "Don't apologize to me.  You weren't dumb enough to give my shit away. Tell Dakota you're sorry that you have no respect for her or her property."

 

Keith said he was sorry and went back to the JOC